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According to the French historian Philippe de Félice, “Eras of greatest material and moral distress seem to be those during which people dance most.” A medieval dancing mania swept through Europe following the height of the Black Death, when between 500 and 800 people died every day in Paris and Saint-Denis, and when alternating waves of flood and drought caused widespread famine. I wanted my body to influence and be influenced by other bodies - this time not as a vector of disease but as a vector of pure feeling. In isolation, I’d felt myself stiffen into a form so familiar it had come to seem inescapable. Sometimes I mean that I want very badly to pin somebody to the club wall with my butt.Įven though it’s better, as my mother recommended, to dance alone than not at all, the “ despojo” I’d been dreaming of was social. But when I say “ despojo,” I don’t always mean to sound so serious.

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In order to repossess the body, it’s necessary to dispossess it in order to feel alive, it’s necessary to get in touch with what’s already dead. The “ despojo” I’ve desired articulates a paradox. I guess “ despojo” comes to me, via Puerto Rican Spanish, in a register already worked through by ritual, by generations of people who’ve had to scavenge something good from the many losses of forced migration. It’s strange to discover that a word I associate with rejuvenation technically has more to do with death and disaster. I’ve never known what “ despojo” means, precisely, though it’s a word I use with some frequency to express a physical craving for spiritual catharsis: “ Necesitamos despojo, quiero despojarme.” Or, watching a friend gain momentum on the dance floor and begin to enter a self-forgetful trance: “ Esoooo! Des-po-jo!” My Spanish-English dictionary has only the verb (to despoil, to shed leaves) and the plural noun (the spoils of war, mortal remains, rubble, waste).

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But in that same period had my life evolved at all? Had I met anyone? Surprised myself? Stemmed the tide of collective crisis? My mother often urged me to dance, just a little, by myself in the kitchen - “It’s good medicine,” she said, “ despojo.” When I pulled my hair back in a tight ponytail, I could see a patch of scalp. My right knee was clearly deteriorating - I couldn’t sit cross-legged at my desk the way I used to - and because I wasn’t wearing makeup, I could track each age spot as it bloomed to the surface. I turned 33, then 34, and my body seemed to grow old without bringing my spirit along with it. įor most of 2020, I passed the pandemic alone in my studio apartment.

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South park the fractured but whole patch download pc